It might not be the usual topic of conversation, in fact, in some circles, it’s considered taboo, but masturbation is healthy, normal, and best of all, it’s fun. Solo play allows you to get to know your body and identify what feels good. It can also improve your mood and reduce stress levels.
With all of that in mind, it’s fair to say masturbation is good for you, but how about taking self-love to the next level? Instead of indulging in masturbation, how about stepping it up and exploring the art of mindful masturbation?
Exploring Mindful Masturbation
To be mindful you need to be aware of your presence in the here and now. In the words of Bill Keane, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Master Oogway (of Kung Foo Panda fame)…
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift… that’s why they call it present”
Some might describe it as “living in the moment,” rather than looking to the past, thinking about the future, or allowing yourself to be distracted from what you are doing. The concept sounds straightforward, but it can be challenging! It’s all too easy to get caught up in the chaos of daily life and before you know it, you’re multitasking and rushing about.
Mindfulness requires you to slow down and pay attention to one thing at a time. It calls on you to focus in a calm and tranquil way. You can apply mindfulness to everyday situations and sometimes it just seems to come naturally. For instance, you could easily become engrossed in the act of baking a cake. You find yourself lost in the moment of carefully weighing and adding the ingredients, stirring the mixture, baking, and then painstakingly decorating your creation. Everything else seems a million miles away.
You can also apply mindfulness to other activities – such as masturbation. Also known as conscious masturbation, mindful masturbation involves utilizing your senses and enhancing your awareness. Instead of a quick five-finger shuffle or speedy bean-flick, wouldn’t it be nice to take more time and care over your self-pleasure?
The Importance Of “Being In The Moment”
We’ve all done it, one minute you’re enjoying bringing yourself to orgasm, and the next you’re distracted by day-to-day “stuff.” The ping of an email, the damp patch that you’ve just noticed under the bedroom window, thoughts of what to cook for dinner later. Suddenly your libido has left the building, and your budding orgasm shrivels to a mere moan of frustration.
Mindful masturbation requires you to put everything else aside and take a deep dive into your sensory pleasures. When you start to feel those familiar tingles pay attention without judgment or appraisal. Sit back and accept the situation for what it is – allow the pleasurable feelings to wash over you and enjoy the sensations.
This is a chance to forget what you know and put away those tried and tested masturbation methods. Mindful masturbation equals exploration and discovery! It’s about taking the time to touch and tease yourself, to pick up on what delights you and enjoy what makes you tingle.
If you usually use a particular sex toy or like to look at a particular porn mag this is the perfect time to change things up. It’s easy to fall into a rut when it comes to sex, be that with others or yourself. Instead of gearing yourself up for your normal session – doing the same things to experience the same climax, why not take a new, less-defined, approach?
The Purpose Of Mindful Masturbation
Let’s be honest, we all love a knee-trembling orgasm, but mindful masturbation is more about the journey than the final destination. It’s all about getting intimate with your body and discovering new, fun ways to turn yourself on.
The sensation of pleasure should linger and build, think of it as a rising tide, rather than a rogue wave! It can be tricky, but the key is to not have too many pre-determined expectations, go with the flow and let yourself relax into the experience.
How To Engage In Mindful Masturbation
Like most things in life, it’s best to just get on and do it! Don’t overthink it, don’t make too many elaborate plans, and don’t set yourself impractical goals (e.g. multiple orgasms all night long).
That said, there are a few elements you need to think about in advance, such as location. Finding a quiet, comfortable space is essential, a busy household can be off-putting, so head for a room where you can lock the door. Create the right mood by dimming the lights, playing chilled-out tunes, lighting a candle, etc. Prep the space with cosy pillows and blankets and invest in luxurious massage oil if that’s your thing.
Think about the best time to play too. Distraction-free fun is much more productive, so set aside 30 minutes or an hour just for some special “you” time. This is your opportunity to turn your focus solely on yourself (not something you get to do very often). Leave the sex toys in their box and get intimate with your body and mind on a one-to-one basis.
Embracing Conscious Thoughts
Contrary to what you may have heard, mindfulness isn’t about pushing all thoughts out of your head. It’s difficult to clear your mind, and the more you try, the more you’ll find your thoughts drifting – chances are you’ll find yourself thinking about not thinking!
Instead, allow your thoughts to come and go, just don’t entertain them! Let your thoughts float along like clouds in the sky – casually notice them and then allow them to drift on. If you find yourself getting hung up on one or two try to turn your attention back to yourself.
Notice the sensations of play, pick up on how your body is responding, observe your feelings and emotions, etc. It’s not easy, but with practice, you can hone your mindful masturbation skills.
Mastering Mindful Masturbation
There’s no right or wrong way to do it, mindful masturbation should provide you with pleasure – how you get there is up to you. However, we can give you a few tips to help you on your way.
Breath and relax – You can work on your breathing to help centre yourself. Breathe deeply and focus on the breath leaving and returning to your lungs. Take note of your initial breath (before you touch yourself) to raise your level of awareness.
Don’t judge – This is about exploration and discovery, not about your physique, imagination, or performance. Forget your wobbly tum or the need to make yourself cum! Take everything as it comes, if you’re struggling to relax don’t berate yourself, just accept it and try to move on.
Set aside time – We’ve mentioned giving yourself enough time and space to relax and fully enjoy masturbation, but sometimes it helps to set a timer to help you focus. This could be 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 45 minutes, or 60 minutes (if you’re feeling indulgent)! It’s not a sprint, but it doesn’t have to be a marathon either.
Feel your way – Don’t go straight for the obvious places – genitals are your hot spot, but save that for your main course rather than your starter. Explore your body sensually – stroke your hand through your hair, and across your face. Touch your neck and stroke your arms and legs. Vary your pressure and touch to find out what feels good.
Don’t be afraid to move on – If it feels good then linger for a while, stroking and pleasuring that particular area. If it doesn’t then don’t be afraid to move on. We are all different – some of us enjoy the sensation of tender caresses to bare feet – others would scream and describe that as tickle torture at its worse! Don’t fight the feeling, accept it and move forward.
Step outside your body – It can help to view your body from an outsider’s perspective. Imagine you are touching a new lover rather than yourself. What do they like, what makes them smile, and how can you excite them? This is a journey of discovery and you are the captain of your own ship.
The Benefits Of Self Pleasure
Regular masturbation can lead to a wide range of emotional and physical health benefits. Add mindfulness into the mix and you can ramp those benefits up even further.
- Express yourself
A powerful form of expression, mindful masturbation provides you with the chance to please yourself however you choose. It’s liberating not having to answer to anyone else (or to have to satisfy anyone else), this is all about you – your needs and your gratification. Enjoy being selfish – after all, you don’t get to be that way very often.
- Embrace your body
Mindful masturbation also allows you to explore how you feel about sex and intimacy. If you have body-confidence issues, or hang-ups about getting up close and personal with others, this is a good time to try and get to grips with your worries. Embrace your lumps and bumps, and celebrate your body and all it can do.
- Improve your health
Who needs the gym? Masturbation can give you a mini workout to tone and strengthen your thigh muscles and firm up your butt. It might surprise you to learn that masturbation can boost the performance of your heart. Solo play can boost your heart rate – a great workout for you!
- Boost brainpower
Masturbation can also enhance brain power. Experts are still investigating this, but there’s belief masturbation is linked to the release of dopamine (which occurs when you masturbate).
- Indulge your fantasies
Letting your mind go free enables you to delve into your deepest desires, and sexual fantasies are a great form of escape. You can be whoever you like and engage in whatever you like (with any one of your choosing) no matter how naughty and clandestine it feels! In your mind, you can bend over the dining room table for anal sex with the friendly barista who whips up your latte every day. Or perhaps you fancy the idea of a same-sex affair with your neighbour? In fantasy land, anything goes!
- Enjoy the rush
Meeting deadlines, dealing with a full diary, completing chores – so much to do and so little time. It’s little wonder we feel harassed and overwhelmed. Mindful masturbation and orgasms can help you to declutter your mind, reduce stress and boost your mood. Masturbation promotes a rush of endorphins, which goes some way to explaining the contentment and glee you feel after achieving the big “O.”
- Ramp up your libido
Open the door to solo fun and you could be opening the door to better sex with a partner. Pleasuring and stimulating yourself enables you to give others hints and tips on what feels good. It can also prompt you to seek out more pleasure – more satisfying orgasms? Yes, please.
The 7 Step Guide To Mindful Masturbation
Before you head off for some solo fun let’s quickly recap mindful masturbation. Here’s how it’s done in seven simple steps:
- Find a comfy and quiet space where you won’t be disturbed.
- Relax your mind and try to empty it of worries etc.
- Take a few deep and slow breaths.
- Stroke your hands over your body – hair, face, arms, legs, etc.
- Use scented massage oil for an indulgent feel and repeat your strokes.
- Touch your genitals – start with the extremities and then get more intimate.
- Surrender to your feelings and let the pleasure wash over you.
Is Mindful Masturbation For Me?
Whatever your age or gender, mindful masturbation can work wonders for you. Masturbation and orgasms are the perfect tonics for a happy and healthy life. They help you to de-stress, improve your mood and brain function, reduce tiredness, ease sleep problems and hone your focus.
There’s no better way to increase your sense of self – if you want to make friends with your mind and body, and enjoy powerful orgasms to boot, mindful masturbation could be the perfect way to do it.