After the hot passion that sweeps through a relationship in its first stages comes stability and, sometimes, sterility. There’s simply no time for sex, or if there is time, you’re too exhausted to handle it, and you go to bed thinking, “Another day,” until you and your significant other haven’t touched each other in weeks. Does this sound like you?
Falling into a sexual rut is sometimes feel inevitable. There are so many things to do and so little time that you work and work until you realize that your relationship simply doesn’t have the same level of intimacy anymore. It’s frustrating and a little scary, but it’s also fixable. But the good news is that it is avoidable – but you will have to make a few changes.
All you need to do is make sure you’re putting in as much effort as possible into your relationship. You’ll also need to learn a few tips to get your relationship moving again. But we’ve got that part covered. So settle down and take notes, ladies (and men for that matter). You’ll need them.
Talk About It
The “It” referred to in the above sub-heading refers to everything. Talk about everything with your partner. Some of us like to believe that since our partners know us so well, they can figure out all of our moods and thoughts just from a few words or maybe our expressions. But I’m not sorry to say that that’s a load of trash.
If you feel like your relationship is in a sexual rut, it’s best to start the conversation. For all you know, your partner’s been having similar thoughts that they haven’t been able to tell you about.
You should also communicate your insecurities. For example, is it just the lack of time that’s been stopping you from having sex? Do you feel a certain way about your body? Do they also have some insecurities that they’ve been hiding?
What about your fantasies? What you want is to add some more spice into your relationship, yes? Then, talking about your fantasies is a great way to do that. More often than not, a frank conversation about your fantasies might turn both of you on enough to get it on right then and there.
But that’s beside the point. The keyword here is Communication.
Try New Positions – In New Places
Spontaneity is the name of the game, ladies, because what good has being rational ever done? Get it on in the car, in bathrooms, in closets, under the table in front of guests, up against the wall, on the staircase, etc. I mean re-christening your house by having sex in every corner of your home (except the kids’ room, if you have any).
Yielding to the urge spontaneously or allowing your partner to yield to immediate sexual urges is exceptionally sexy. Honestly, it might even be sexier than when you had sex spontaneously when your relationship was younger. That feeling of being wanted so much is extremely arousing, and you’ll be shocked at how much passion you both still have.
You can also look for new sex positions online. Trying something new is a great way to liven up your sex life. For example, last year, a friend of mine got a sex calendar that shows them a different sex position every day. They try everything (except the physically impossible ones, of course), and they’ve enjoyed a lot of sex fails, laughs, and plenty of hot nights.
Schedule Sexy Time
I know this seems counterproductive after telling you to be spontaneous, but a slow burn can also help you build up momentum.
Scheduling a time and day for sex sounds distinctly unsexy, yes, but you can make it sexy. The way to do this is by building up anticipation. Remind your partner that you’re going to have sex that day. Send them sexy texts throughout the day. Make deliberate eye contact throughout the day and make sure that they know what you’re implying. Flirt all through the day and keep sending them sexy hints all through the day.
This will increase their anticipation steadily throughout the day and keep them on the edge so that when it’s finally time to get down, they’d have been ready. Of course, as you continue to do this, they’ll also start looking forward to your sex days, and you’ll probably have no-sex days that you’ll find yourself doing the horizontal mamba with your partner.
Change Your Environment
Sometimes, your body is willing, your soul is willing, and your partner is willing, but you both just can’t catch a break due to your jobs, your environment, and your busy schedules. So why don’t you just leave it all? Not forever, of course, but for long enough that you remember why you both chose each other and how attracted you are to each other.
You shouldn’t do this immediately. You both need to plan it meticulously to ensure that your time together goes undisturbed. Move any events that can be moved, take time off, drop off your pets or kids or pets and kids with people who you can trust, and take some time off to just be together.
Use that time to rekindle your romance, to remember that you’re individuals who love each other and who need sex in their relationship. Use that time to have lots of sex, be as spontaneous as you want, explore your fantasies, and be as risqué as possible.
Your getaway doesn’t have to be somewhere far away. You can get away in your own house if it makes you feel more comfortable. You just won’t have any work or obligations to meet. That way, both you and your partner can focus comfortably on yourselves and rekindling your sex life.
Buy Some Lingerie
This is a little cliché, but there’s a reason why there are lingerie scenes in all those movies. Because it works. Humans are visual creatures. We love seeing beautiful things, presented beautifully, all laid out for our approval.
Why? Because it’s flattering. It’s flattering when someone puts in so much effort to show that they want them.
Sexy lingerie can also serve to heat your relationship by inadvertently displaying your lingerie in front of your partner. Allow them to catch a glimpse and not the whole thing, and it’ll drive them crazy the whole day. Then, you can let them slowly unravel when they come back.
So start digging up all those tight, lacy things that you keep in the back of your wardrobe and start seducing your partner today. If you don’t have any lingerie, you could always check out your nearest sex toy shop, order one off of Amazon, or check out a reliable lingerie maker like Nasty Gal.
When a couple gets comfortable with each other, flirting is something that’s often left behind in the early stages. But you can liven up your sex life by bringing back some of that spark.
Try to remember. How did you and your partner get along in the past? How did you flirt? What words did you say to get a rise out of them, then? Whisper in their ears, grasp their hand on walks, show them obvious affection and reassure them? Use terms of endearment that were long forgotten, get used to skinship again, and just enjoy being together.
The increased attention will flatter your partner, and you might even be able to rekindle the dimming embers of your sex life.
Consider Using Sex Toys
Getting a new sex toy can add a certain pizzazz to a couple’s sex life. You both share a secret now that you can experience later at night. Sex toys kinds expose the hidden freak in all of us. You can give your partner and yourself mind-blowing orgasms with a sex toy after you’ve overcome your shyness in using it.
There are thousands of sex toys available, and depending on where you live, you could be holding your first sex toy two days from ordering.
There are couples sex toys, male sex toys, and female sex toys. You can select based on the plans you have for your night together, what you want, or a beginner’s choice. If you’ve never picked out a sex toy before, we have some other articles where you can get some advice about that.
If neither you nor your partner has ever used a sex toy before, you’ll need to have an idea of how to use it. Carefully read the manual and do your research online before making a selection, so that you can purchase a functional and long-lasting toy.
Spicing up your sex life can be as easy or hard as you or your partner make it. To keep the spark alive, be open to trying new things and being a little more stingy with your time. You and your partner deserve to have time for yourselves.
After you start having sex regularly again, make sure you continue to keep an open line of communication between yourself and your partner. Tell each other what you want so that you can discuss possibilities. If you’re sure that this is your forever person, then you need to put in the effort to make it forever.